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David asked:


I know it’s a lot, but please read it and give me your honest opinion.

0300 hours, November 14, 3078

Master Sergeant Jason Morven of the Alliance Defense Command (ADC) sat in a wall-mounted chair in a room cramped with a dozen other men and women. They were aboard a Phoenix drop ship, descending toward the surface of the planet Chellara II.
Jason closed his eyes in deep thought. At times like this, he would think back to how the war began.
In the year 2720, Humans unlocked the secret to traveling between planets. Not just in Earth’s solar system, but across the entire galaxy. After the breakthrough in science, it took Humans less than a decade to colonize over a dozen planets spread across the galaxy.
In the year 2949, Humans discovered that they were not alone in the universe by making first contact with an alien species, the Trunin. They were a peaceful species, who, like Humans, also thought they were the only inhabitants of the universe. After spending years learning each other’s languages, and after the invention of the universal translator which allowed for seamless communication between the two species, Humans and Trunin formed an intergalactic alliance, and have been good friends ever since.
In the year 3039, a third alien species revealed itself to the Alliance. They, however, were not a peaceful species at all. Before the Alliance could even attempt to make contact with them, the new species attacked one of their inhabited planets, killing hundred’s of thousands.
The Alliance attempted to make contact with the third species. But after they attacked another planet, all attempts to communicate were abandoned, and all efforts were then focused on fighting them off. It was the beginning of a long and brutal war.
The third species had first appeared out of a black hole-like portal. It is for that reason that the Alliance had dubbed them the Rift.
Jason was distracted from his thoughts by a blast of incredibly loud music. His eyes reflexively shot open and he saw Private Shawn Vest reaching above his head to a radio.
“Turn that crap off before I use ya’ for target practice!” First Lieutenant William Trimmers yelled for everyone aboard to hear. His voice was cracked from years of almost constant shouting, but he was still very intimidating to Jason.
“Gladly, sir!” Shawn said with a mouth full of chewing gum. His voice was thick with sarcasm. He saluted the Lieutenant, but there was no respect in the salute at all. Then he finally reached up and switched off the radio. He seemed to be moving with deliberate slowness, as if to see how slowly he could turn off the radio without the Lieutenant yelling again.
Even after the obnoxious noise was gone, Jason’s ears were ringing from the intense volume of Shawn’s radio.
The moment Lieutenant Trimmers turned his back to Shawn, the woman sitting next to him, Private First Class Ashley Fresco, jabbed her right elbow into Shawn’s left arm. She and everyone else, including Jason, were wearing full body armor and helmets that obscured their faces with tinted glass. But Jason could sense her expression was that of anger and annoyance.
“Ouch!” Shawn exclaimed as he rubbed his left arm with his right. He shrugged at Ashley as if to ask, “What did I do?”
Jason grinned with satisfaction. He had known Ashley his whole life. In that time, he had learned that it was never a good idea to get her angry. She had once given a man twice her size a black eye for refusing to move out of the way of the restroom door.
Jason, Shawn, Ashley, and everyone except Lieutenant Trimmers had VR51W Assault Rifles strapped over their shoulders. The Rifles were gas operated, bullpup design, and used 6.8 mm rounds. Jason and Ashley both carried their own EV9G automatic pistols as their sidearm and everyone else had 9mm handguns as their sidearm. Every one of them also had combat knives, but Jason’s was unique. Lieutenant Trimmers carried a B9610 pump-action shotgun and a Desert Eagle as a sidearm.
Jason was no stranger to high caliber handguns such as the Desert Eagle. On Earth, his Uncle had a one-thousand-year-old gold-plated Desert Eagle in a display case on the mantle in his library.
“We’re approaching the drop zone, Lieutenant,” a man said over the Phoenix’s communication channel.
“Nice n’ easy up there,” Lieutenant Trimmers said. He faced his fellow soldiers and shouted, “Listen up, Marines!”
Immediately, every single person aboard the Phoenix, including Shawn, sat up straight in their chairs and faced their Commanding Officer, all of them paying very close attention to his every word.
“I know none of you have ever been inside enemy territory before!” Lieutenant Trimmers began. “Well I’ve got good news; this is your lucky day! You will be joining your fellow ADC soldiers on Chellara II! If we succeed in retaking the planet, it will be a major victory in this war! Now get down there and show the Rift what we can do!”
“Sir, yes, sir!” everyone shouted in unison.
Jason

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David asked:


This is a re-post of a previous question with some slight modifications. Please read the whole thing and let me know your honest opinion.

0300 hours, November 14, 3078

Master Sergeant Jason Morven of the Alliance Defense Command (ADC) sat in a wall-mounted chair in a room cramped with a dozen other men and women. They were aboard a Phoenix drop ship, descending toward the surface of the planet Chellara II.
Jason closed his eyes in deep thought. At times like this, he would think back to how the war began.
In the year 3039, an alien species revealed itself to the Alliance. Despite what mankind had hoped for, they were not a peaceful species at all. Before the Alliance could even attempt to make contact with them, the aliens attacked one of their inhabited planets, killing hundred’s of thousands.
The Alliance attempted to make contact with the aliens numerous times, at the very least to understand why the aliens had attacked without provocation. But every time they were unanswered.
After the aliens attacked another planet, all attempts to communicate were abandoned, and all efforts were then focused on fighting them off. It was the beginning of a long, brutal, and senseless war.
The Alliance was unsure of what to call the alien life forms. They had never made contact, so the Alliance had no idea what they referred to themselves as. The aliens had first appeared out of a black hole-like portal. It is for that reason that the Alliance decided to call them the Rift.
Jason was distracted from his thoughts by a blast of incredibly loud music. His eyes reflexively shot open and he saw Private Shawn Vest reaching above his head to a radio.
“Turn that crap off before I use ya’ for target practice!” First Lieutenant William Trimmers yelled for everyone aboard to hear. His voice was cracked from years of almost constant shouting, but he was still very intimidating to Jason.
“Gladly, sir!” Shawn said with a mouth full of chewing gum. His voice was thick with sarcasm. He saluted the Lieutenant, but there was no respect in the salute at all. Then he finally reached up and switched off the radio. He seemed to be moving with deliberate slowness, as if to see how slowly he could turn off the radio without the Lieutenant yelling again.
Even after the obnoxious noise was gone, Jason’s ears were ringing from the intense volume of Shawn’s radio.
The moment Lieutenant Trimmers turned his back to Shawn, Jason’s best friend, Private First Class Ashley Fresco, who was sitting right next to Shawn, jabbed her right elbow into Shawn’s left arm. She and everyone else, including Jason, were wearing full body armor and helmets that obscured their faces with tinted glass. But Jason could sense her expression was that of anger and annoyance.
“Ouch!” Shawn exclaimed as he rubbed his left arm with his right. He shrugged at Ashley as if to ask, “What did I do?”
Jason grinned with satisfaction. He had known Ashley his whole life. In that time, he had learned that it was never a good idea to get her angry. She had once given a man twice her size a black eye for refusing to move out of the way of the restroom door.
Jason, Shawn, Ashley, and everyone except Lieutenant Trimmers had VR51W Assault Rifles strapped over their shoulders. Jason and Ashley both carried their own EV9G automatic pistols as their sidearm and everyone else had 9mm handguns as their sidearm. Every one of them also had combat knives, but Jason’s was unique. Lieutenant Trimmers carried a B9610 pump-action shotgun and a Desert Eagle as a sidearm.
Jason was no stranger to high caliber handguns such as the Desert Eagle. On Earth, his Uncle had a one-thousand-year-old gold-plated Desert Eagle in a display case on the mantle in his library.
“We’re approaching the drop zone, Lieutenant,” a man said over the Phoenix’s communication channel.
“Nice n’ easy up there,” Lieutenant Trimmers said. He faced his fellow soldiers and shouted, “Listen up, Marines!”
Immediately, every single person aboard the Phoenix, including Shawn, sat up straight in their chairs and faced their Commanding Officer, all of them paying very close attention to his every word.
“I know none of you have ever been inside enemy territory before!” Lieutenant Trimmers began. “Well I’ve got good news; this is your lucky day! You will be joining your fellow ADC soldiers on Chellara II! If we succeed in retaking the planet, it will be a major victory in this war! Now get down there and show the Rift what we can do!”
“Sir, yes, sir!” everyone shouted in unison.
Jason appreciated Lieutenant Trimmers’ speech, but he was wrong on one account; Jason had been behind enemy lines before. He knew all too well what lay waiting for them.
The red light above the hatch at the rear of the Phoenix began flashing red.
“You’re in charge, Morven!” Lieutenant Trimmers yelled.
“Yes, sir!” Jason said with a crisp salute. As a child, Jason had spoken with a strong British accent. But after joining the ADC, he had take

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xoxotigergirl asked:


i am starting another book. It’s called royal runaways(help me think of a better name plz)and here’s the summary. i need opinions and comments! Again, I’m only 10, so plz try not to be very rude and mean. And again, I know that I still have lots to learn about writing(which makes me very exited) but i still want the truth, though i don’t want it really harshly. Thx!!!! =)

here it is:

Princess Kayla’s life was just about perfect. She had everything. A love, a most caring brother and sister, a kingdom, a palace full of gold, beautiful clothes, a ravishing figure,and her coronation was arriving soon. She had everything a 20-year old girl could want.

But things take on a twist when Price Ty’s kingdom gets robbed. The people of his land are framing his father,thinking he wishes to have all the gold to himself and leave the peasants starving.now, Kayla is forbidden to have any contact with Ty, as it would give their kingdom a bad name. Two days later, her beloved brother is murdered in the most gruesome manner. And Kayla really kills a woman. The woman who murdered her brother. And when Kayla thinks that it couldn’t be any worse, she finds that servants inside the palace were being executed by the same hand that assassinated her brother. The one she had killed.
So Princess Kayla and Price Ty runaway to a distant land. Kayla secretly wants to track down the witch that killed so many, but never told Ty about her little quest. A clueless Ty follows her lead. Once they track down the vile woman, will they be able to accomplish the impossible; kill a witch woman? Or will the witch murder them as she did Kayla’s brother, then continue to slaughter anyone else she sees until she wipes out the entire world? Who knows?

But one things for sure: Kayla was going to track down this witch woman and attempt to kill her, even if it cost her her life.Even if it did no harm, she knew that if she was going to die, she would choose to die fighting for her people with her last breath.

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